There Are No Flippin' Rules

Twice yesterday I received the message, "there are no rules." Once from *The Universe (I am not even kidding, we'll talk more on that later!) and once from a newsletter I subscribe to. The first, actually said, "there are no rules." My shoulders relaxed. The second time, it was more of a message gleaned from, "You're never going to get there by trying to get there. There is no path you just need to find..."

My brain did one of those fast action thoughts, all jumbly and toppling over each other: wait, so all those marketing techniques, and sales funnels, and Pinterest analytics I've been searching for and stressing about, all these outside "rules" don't mean anything?

It's up to me to create the way I want to do this.

It is up to me.

Pretty heady stuff--there's definitely responsibility attached to "it's up to me." I'm responsible for my own shit. Right?  There are no rules does not mean there is no working your ass off. It means you decide how the work is done and what kind of work you do and most importantly why you're doing the work.

And, when I say "work" I don't necessarily mean your job, unless that's what you want it to mean, because this can work for work, but it can work for your life too. (Wow. That is almost confusing.)

So, there is a load of personal responsibility with "there are no rules" but there is sweet sweet freedom too.

I stopped writing for a while--nearly everything--the manuscript I was working on, my blog posts, Facebook updates, even tweets were too much for me to muster, because I thought I was doing them wrong. My tweets weren't as clever as this person's, my blog was nothing like that much more successful person's, my book will never touch another person the way this author's books do...

And so I just stopped. When I tried to be like these other people (follow their rules) it didn't work, it came out flat, I felt like a fraud (duh). So I stopped trying and stopped writing. How sad.

DIGRESSION ALERT:

When I first became a supervisor a few years ago, I struggled. Not that I couldn't do the work, I could. I struggled with what kind of a supervisor to be--I read books (not the right ones!) I took webinars (blech!) I went to classes (okay) and yet every single day I walked into work nearly sad, shoulders slumped, and with no idea who I was.

And it wasn't until I was having a random conversation with one of my nephews (thank you Nick!) where I said: "I don't like being a supervisor, I don't know how I'm supposed to be one."

and he said: "Amy, they hired you for who you are. Be you."

Shoulders relaxed.

"oh."

This opened up my world. I fell back into me. I stopped TRYING to be a boss, and instead became me again--really good at all things circulation, kind of goofy, really happy, laughing a lot, expecting great things from the team. I led by example and made my expectations clear, I also admitted my weaknesses. And I was okay again, hell, I was great.

My point is: 

stop trying to live up to who you are not. 

stop trying to to follow a set of made-up rules that maybe worked for some other person, but sure the hell are not working for you.

Be you and make your own rules.

(Unless you are a serial killer, and you are trying not to be one, then, yes, please keep trying.

Also, this isn't a free keep smoking card.)

But the word "try" is so damned full of I-probably-won't-succeed-and-then-I'll-have-to-FRACKIN-try-mofo-try-again, and that just feels deflating and long and icky.

There are no rules

Freedom, not anarchy, but freedom to create from who you are to get you to who your best self is. 

FREE

I'm reading Danielle LaPorte's The Desire Map. AWESOME book, (fantastic website) helps you figure out not the tangible goals for your life but how you want to feel--and then figure out how to feel that. So, one of my core desired feelings is free, I want to feel free.Free to work how I want, at what I want, free to take the day off and hang with my kids or my mom or anyone. Free to not worry.

After I read: there are no rules, I realized freedom (free) is not something I have to reach for, I already have it. I just needed to recognize where in my life it existed. Sure, I'd like it in more aspects of my life (can you say, fly to Paris?) but that is a huge part of manifesting something--already believing you have it, to find examples in your life now and then to focus on it and love it and really feel it--which will bring more of it to you. Holy Sh*t. 

*Now, as promised, here's my Note from the Universe:

TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS... and, Hello Stranger

We're baa-ack.

Hello darling dearests, while my mom's and seester's fingers were itching for some action I had contracted the dreaded disease of EXPLODING LIFE! And could not bring myself to write any posts or to post anyone else's writings.

And then I read something -- not something my mother wrote (even though, I would have arrived at the same place, but who listens to their mother's?), it was something in a book: and within this book the author says these words: "I was committed to the end of suffering." She goes on to say, that either you get to the end of suffering or you don't. You choose. It was as if I were hit on the head with that horseshoe on the cover. BAM!

I had a choice to wallow in suffering or to choose to "carry on" so to speak. Which, by the way is not the same thing as denial -- I was not blind to the intricacies of my life, but I made a conscious choise not to let them rule my life. I chose happiness, I chose not to suffer.

And then I found a Positive Support Letter (a newsletter my mom, Joan Kennedy wrote in the early 90s) this one from 1993, here's what I read:

*Every condition, every experience you have in your life is the result of your mental and emotional activity. If you don't have the conditions you want, there is no one to blame. You can't look to others to make your life more than it is. Your life is an individual responsibility, an individual opportunity and an individual experience.

You are the only person who thinks in your mind. You have the power to decide what you want in your life.


You have the capacity to choose love, wealth, success and happiness. 


(Me: We have the choice, I have the choice. Wow! Wish I had actually READ this in 1993)

Your mind will accept and bring to pass in a natural way whatever you assume and believe to be true.


(Hello!)

Ideas will occur to you to show you how to develop and grow. Opportunities for achieving your objectives will be presented to you for your progress.


(This is where it gets exciting. I'm reading the book, I decide not suffer, but to be happy -- suffering kept me from posting to this blog, posting to my writing blog , and writing fiction.

Once I made the commitment to be happy to come to the end of suffering, I started visiting blogs I used to read and found out about a Fast Draft opportunity (detailed in my writing blog post) I joined in! First day was yesterday, I wrote 8 pages. Eight! If you're a writer, you know that's a lot (my goal is 20 a day!). Then I posted in my writing blog (hadn't done that since... a few months ago) then I posted here.

For some reason Those Kennedy Women was my biggest sticking point. Maybe because it is a joint venture, and the fact I had let down my cohorts (my thought, not theirs). It was like having an overdue library book and hating to bring it back because of the fine and the librarian and just not returning it to spare yourself from the humiliation... sorry, my childhood memory. I actually work in a library now and I would NEVER think to shame someone for an overdue item.

But, now the dam is burst! And the flow of words and ideas are back. Keep me honest, or, better yet, I'll keep myself honest.

The next time you think a negative thought about yourself or your life, ask yourself if you want to experience that thought in your life.


You are in control of your thoughts and your words. This moment is where the change begins. 




*all italics are Joan's words.


So, what's your choice?