There Are No Flippin' Rules

Twice yesterday I received the message, "there are no rules." Once from *The Universe (I am not even kidding, we'll talk more on that later!) and once from a newsletter I subscribe to. The first, actually said, "there are no rules." My shoulders relaxed. The second time, it was more of a message gleaned from, "You're never going to get there by trying to get there. There is no path you just need to find..."

My brain did one of those fast action thoughts, all jumbly and toppling over each other: wait, so all those marketing techniques, and sales funnels, and Pinterest analytics I've been searching for and stressing about, all these outside "rules" don't mean anything?

It's up to me to create the way I want to do this.

It is up to me.

Pretty heady stuff--there's definitely responsibility attached to "it's up to me." I'm responsible for my own shit. Right?  There are no rules does not mean there is no working your ass off. It means you decide how the work is done and what kind of work you do and most importantly why you're doing the work.

And, when I say "work" I don't necessarily mean your job, unless that's what you want it to mean, because this can work for work, but it can work for your life too. (Wow. That is almost confusing.)

So, there is a load of personal responsibility with "there are no rules" but there is sweet sweet freedom too.

I stopped writing for a while--nearly everything--the manuscript I was working on, my blog posts, Facebook updates, even tweets were too much for me to muster, because I thought I was doing them wrong. My tweets weren't as clever as this person's, my blog was nothing like that much more successful person's, my book will never touch another person the way this author's books do...

And so I just stopped. When I tried to be like these other people (follow their rules) it didn't work, it came out flat, I felt like a fraud (duh). So I stopped trying and stopped writing. How sad.

DIGRESSION ALERT:

When I first became a supervisor a few years ago, I struggled. Not that I couldn't do the work, I could. I struggled with what kind of a supervisor to be--I read books (not the right ones!) I took webinars (blech!) I went to classes (okay) and yet every single day I walked into work nearly sad, shoulders slumped, and with no idea who I was.

And it wasn't until I was having a random conversation with one of my nephews (thank you Nick!) where I said: "I don't like being a supervisor, I don't know how I'm supposed to be one."

and he said: "Amy, they hired you for who you are. Be you."

Shoulders relaxed.

"oh."

This opened up my world. I fell back into me. I stopped TRYING to be a boss, and instead became me again--really good at all things circulation, kind of goofy, really happy, laughing a lot, expecting great things from the team. I led by example and made my expectations clear, I also admitted my weaknesses. And I was okay again, hell, I was great.

My point is: 

stop trying to live up to who you are not. 

stop trying to to follow a set of made-up rules that maybe worked for some other person, but sure the hell are not working for you.

Be you and make your own rules.

(Unless you are a serial killer, and you are trying not to be one, then, yes, please keep trying.

Also, this isn't a free keep smoking card.)

But the word "try" is so damned full of I-probably-won't-succeed-and-then-I'll-have-to-FRACKIN-try-mofo-try-again, and that just feels deflating and long and icky.

There are no rules

Freedom, not anarchy, but freedom to create from who you are to get you to who your best self is. 

FREE

I'm reading Danielle LaPorte's The Desire Map. AWESOME book, (fantastic website) helps you figure out not the tangible goals for your life but how you want to feel--and then figure out how to feel that. So, one of my core desired feelings is free, I want to feel free.Free to work how I want, at what I want, free to take the day off and hang with my kids or my mom or anyone. Free to not worry.

After I read: there are no rules, I realized freedom (free) is not something I have to reach for, I already have it. I just needed to recognize where in my life it existed. Sure, I'd like it in more aspects of my life (can you say, fly to Paris?) but that is a huge part of manifesting something--already believing you have it, to find examples in your life now and then to focus on it and love it and really feel it--which will bring more of it to you. Holy Sh*t. 

*Now, as promised, here's my Note from the Universe:

HAPPY NEW YEAR! RIGHT?

By: Joan Kennedy

Champagne, Oyster Stew and Resolutions are all synonymous with New Year’s Eve, especially resolutions.  We’ve all made them, and also forgotten them in a matter of days.  Typically it goes something like this:  I want to lose weight, get a better job, make more money, find a great guy!

But have you ever heard of anyone saying, “I just achieved my New Year’s Eve Resolution!"?  I think not. Resolutions fizzle faster than bubbles in an open bottle of champagne.

You need to change resolutions to GOALS.  This part may get a bit dreary for you, but it does change the dynamics.

Once you’ve decided on what you want, there are definite steps to follow.

*The first step is -- right out of the gate -- you need to have a strong desire.  It’s the motivating force within all of us.  Without desire, nothing happens.

*The second step is to put your goal in writing.  The most important part of this step is to be SPECIFIC.  Avoid general statements, such as, “More money.”  More money can be finding $20.00 in the pocket of a pair of old jeans hanging in your closet, or a $10.00 bill in a purse you haven’t used since last summer.

After one of my talks, several years ago, a woman approached me, and told me about a goal she had wanted to achieve.  The goal was to find a man.  Not an ordinary man.  She wanted a man who was handsome, intelligent, humorous, and one who had money.  She found him!  He had all the right attributes. "But," she said, "I forgot one thing, he shouldn’t be married.”  Damn, damn, damn.

*The third step is to refrain from talking about your goals with others.  It’s great when someone says, “You can do it!” It gives you a feeling of confidence.  Yet many people, including your friends, don’t always give you the approval you had hoped for, and that can keep you from moving forward.

*The fourth step is to have a time frame.  A target date will give you a sense of urgency.  Write your goal on a 3x5 card, and keep it by your bed.  Read it first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. Create a definite plan for achieving your goal. Make a commitment to do one thing every day toward achieving your goal.   

*The fifth step is to visualize yourself in the possession of your goal. Your Imagination is that part of the mind that plays a great role in achieving your goal.  First the vision and then the accomplishment

Now, back to New Year’s Eve, and my wishes for you… Good Health, Wealth, Love, and Lots of Fun.  And, If you’d like, you could change my wishes into your goals for the coming year, or not.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Let's hear about your goals, and if you'd like, we'll help you tweak them.