There Are No Flippin' Rules

Twice yesterday I received the message, "there are no rules." Once from *The Universe (I am not even kidding, we'll talk more on that later!) and once from a newsletter I subscribe to. The first, actually said, "there are no rules." My shoulders relaxed. The second time, it was more of a message gleaned from, "You're never going to get there by trying to get there. There is no path you just need to find..."

My brain did one of those fast action thoughts, all jumbly and toppling over each other: wait, so all those marketing techniques, and sales funnels, and Pinterest analytics I've been searching for and stressing about, all these outside "rules" don't mean anything?

It's up to me to create the way I want to do this.

It is up to me.

Pretty heady stuff--there's definitely responsibility attached to "it's up to me." I'm responsible for my own shit. Right?  There are no rules does not mean there is no working your ass off. It means you decide how the work is done and what kind of work you do and most importantly why you're doing the work.

And, when I say "work" I don't necessarily mean your job, unless that's what you want it to mean, because this can work for work, but it can work for your life too. (Wow. That is almost confusing.)

So, there is a load of personal responsibility with "there are no rules" but there is sweet sweet freedom too.

I stopped writing for a while--nearly everything--the manuscript I was working on, my blog posts, Facebook updates, even tweets were too much for me to muster, because I thought I was doing them wrong. My tweets weren't as clever as this person's, my blog was nothing like that much more successful person's, my book will never touch another person the way this author's books do...

And so I just stopped. When I tried to be like these other people (follow their rules) it didn't work, it came out flat, I felt like a fraud (duh). So I stopped trying and stopped writing. How sad.

When I first became a supervisor a few years ago, I struggled. Not that I couldn't do the work, I could. I struggled with what kind of a supervisor to be--I read books (not the right ones!) I took webinars (blech!) I went to classes (okay) and yet every single day I walked into work nearly sad, shoulders slumped, and with no idea who I was.

And it wasn't until I was having a random conversation with one of my nephews (thank you Nick!) where I said: "I don't like being a supervisor, I don't know how I'm supposed to be one."

and he said: "Amy, they hired you for who you are. Be you."

Shoulders relaxed.


This opened up my world. I fell back into me. I stopped TRYING to be a boss, and instead became me again--really good at all things circulation, kind of goofy, really happy, laughing a lot, expecting great things from the team. I led by example and made my expectations clear, I also admitted my weaknesses. And I was okay again, hell, I was great.

My point is: 
stop trying to live up to who you are not. 
stop trying to to follow a set of made-up rules that maybe worked for some other person, but sure the hell are not working for you.
Be you and make your own rules.

(Unless you are a serial killer, and you are trying not to be one, then, yes, please keep trying.
Also, this isn't a free keep smoking card.)

But the word "try" is so damned full of I-probably-won't-succeed-and-then-I'll-have-to-FRACKIN-try-mofo-try-again, and that just feels deflating and long and icky.

There are no rules

Freedom, not anarchy, but freedom to create from who you are to get you to who your best self is. 
I'm reading Danielle LaPorte's The Desire Map. AWESOME book, (fantastic website) helps you figure out not the tangible goals for your life but how you want to feel--and then figure out how to feel that. So, one of my core desired feelings is free, I want to feel free.Free to work how I want, at what I want, free to take the day off and hang with my kids or my mom or anyone. Free to not worry.

After I read: there are no rules, I realized freedom (free) is not something I have to reach for, I already have it. I just needed to recognize where in my life it existed. Sure, I'd like it in more aspects of my life (can you say, fly to Paris?) but that is a huge part of manifesting something--already believing you have it, to find examples in your life now and then to focus on it and love it and really feel it--which will bring more of it to you. Holy Sh*t. 

*Now, as promised, here's my Note from the Universe:


Got Strategy? How 'Bout Soul?

I've been thinking a lot lately about life and work and family and friends and soul. Not James Brown soul, more like keeping everything together with soul. Like, not losing your being, your self, your " thine own self be true." soul. You feel me?

Lets back up a few weeks...It was a day off--off of the work that pays the bills, I did have my personal emails to catch-up on and I listened to a webinar and discovered a super cool writing coach teacher liberator--Alexandra Franzen and saw what she did and thought:

Why don't I have a system?

I mean, why don't I have a plan, or a time frame or...anything?

Especially since I want to be a creative entrepreneur -- uh, du-uh -- you kinda have to plan these things and actually work toward them. And not just sporadically, as the spirit/muse/whatever calls, there's no, tra-la-la whatever will be will be, bullshit. Uh-huh. 

So. I was going to make a plan--a P.L.A.N. plan. We're talkin' serious plan.

Then Nathan wanted to go to Kennedy (his high school) and get his football helmet and when we got back Rick was home and I remembered I wanted to return something to Bed, Bath & Beyond and then I needed to register Nathan for football (you can start non-coach practice w/o signing up) online and then weed the garden and dinner. And then take Nathan to to a friend's baseball game.

And then something must have broken inside of me (possibly my soul?).

Because, super simple directions to the field and I went in the opposite direction. And then turned around and found the right street and turned the wrong way--or thought I did--so I turned around and, of course, now I really was going the wrong, I turned around (again *sigh*) but then was in the WRONG freakin' turn lane and had to f#*%ing turn around again.

By this time I had a headache, felt disconnected and light headed. My son was pretty awesome, he kept telling me it would be okay and gave me some water. We finally were headed in the right direction and--

I missed the turn.

 So...I turned into an apartment complex to get back on the right track but you couldn't turn the way I needed to. So. I had to go past where the turn was and TURN AROUND. I am not even kidding.

By the time we got to the ball field I was exhausted. And even though there was a possibility a friend was there -- I had to go home. HAD TO.

On the way home my husband called, BECAUSE IT HAD TAKEN SO LONG, he thought I had stayed. I told him what happened, and that I just wanted to get home. He was sitting outside waiting for me when I turned in the driveway--I guess I scared him! I ended-up lying down, nearly crying, and finally sleeping for about a half an hour. I woke up and made rhubarb crisp (I DON'T KNOW WHY). 

What's all this rambling leading to, you ask? I will tell you: I am figuring out a system. And not just a system, a strategy--THINGS, as they say, are in the works. I want a Strategy, but one with Soul. I want a plan, but one with heart. I want to feel good. I want to do good.

I know I do better when I've spent time on things that raise me up: like creativity, spending time with awesome women, writing, spending time with family (not just driving them places), planning cool new endeavors with my mama...

More on that one soon! (ooooh, double secret)

Have you endured any craziness lately? What happened? What realization did you come to? I seriously want to know.